


Save You Tonight

by larrrrry



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, Larry Stylinson - Fandom, Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, One Direction, cancer - Fandom
Genre: Bakery, Doctor - Freeform, Leukemia, M/M, Sad, harry bakery, harry cancer, harry styles cancer, larry stylinson - Freeform, larry stylinson cancer, louis tomlinson doctor, patient
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-06-09 02:43:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6886075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larrrrry/pseuds/larrrrry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis Tominlson is a oncology resident. His trick for working is simple: don't get attached. <br/>But will his trick change for a new curly haired patient?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Louis's alarm went off at 5:50 am which meant it was Monday. Louis hated Mondays. He also hated Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. Thursday was OK, that was his day off.

He slid his finger across his phone to silence his alarm and laid in bed until he was late for work. 

He heard a soft knock on his door and knew it was his roommate Zayn. This had become almost a sacred ritual for the two boys: Louis would lay in his bed until Zayn, who never really slept, knocked on his door to let him know he was late for work. Then Louis would begrudgingly pull himself out of bed, put on his grey depressing scrubs, fill a mug with coffee and sit in his cold car while it warmed up.

This had been his routine for the past two years. At first, it was different. Louis would jump out of bed ready to go save lives, put on his scrubs, and rush to work. 

When he first started his oncology residency he knew that this is how he would make a different, how he would save himself from himself, but as the years dragged on and he watched people die, the innocent suffer, as he let doctors tear him down and not care about patients he began to hate his job and himself even more. He justified his torment by convincing himself daily he only had 2 more years to go, then he'd be a doctor and maybe change the system—or whatever. 

He was also too far in debt to quit.

"Late again, Tomlinson." Dr. Pomeroy said while rolling her eyes and handing Louis a clipboard. 

Louis took it without complaint. He was used to Dr. Pom having a stick up her butt. He looked at the clipboard which contained the patient's he'd have to assist her on. Madeline Pomeroy, Pom for short, was a proud woman. She was beautiful, smart, and a real headache. Everyone was scared of her and hated being on runs with her. For Louis, he was used to being on runs with her. She usually picked on the “problem ones.” He followed her room after room, patient after patient until lunch time. 

It was all routine for him. Wake up. Sleep in. Follow Dr. Pom around. See patients. Eat lunch. See more patients. Go home. Eat (maybe). Sleep. Repeat.

Louis wasn’t happy and he didn’t know if he was sad either. He was just numb. But that’s what he did best. He numbed out his emotions until he didn’t have any. Louis had a personal goal: don’t get attached to patients. It was a rookie movie and one that caused too much pain. So, he kept his distance and even though a lot of the other residents and doctors thought he was so cold, it kept him going. 

Liam Payne was Louis's favorite doctor. He was charming, nice, goofy, and brilliant. Louis always said if he had cancer, though, he would want Dr. Pom to treat him because she was straight to the point. Liam was too playful, too caring with the patients. 

But he liked him as a person because he wasn’t afraid to be himself, just like Louis was always himself. And he was his go to lunch pal.

"You know, I can smell the smoke on you," Liam said while stuffing a fork full of greens in his mouth. 

Louis shrugged and sipped his coffee.

"Doesn't it make you feel weird," Liam continued, "You know, being a resident doctor in a cancer ward and you're smoking cancer sticks?"

"What's the point?" Louis spoke.

"It's just hypocritical, but, hey it's not my life or my body."

"Exactly, it's not."

Liam stayed quiet for a few minutes. "If Madeline smells those on you, she'll send you home for a week."

"Is that supposed to make me upset?"

"You won't get any pay. I'm just trying to help." 

"I don't really remember asking for your help, Liam." 

Liam stayed quiet. 

It didn't take long for guilt to wash over Louis as he watched Liam's sad brown eyes scan his salad. "I'm sorry, I just didn't get any sleep last night."

"Partying again?" Liam said with a small laugh.

Louis just laughed, he didn't really want to confess that he just stayed up playing video games with Zayn all night. 

"Well, I should go back to work," Liam said while picking up his tray and Louis's half full coffee cup. 

“Hey, hey,” Louis said reaching for his cup, “I’m not finished.”

“I know. You don’t need anymore.”

Louis watched him walk away with a sigh and he met up with Dr. Pom, again, in checkup room 205B. When he walked up to the door it was shut. He cussed under his breath, she had started without him. He knocked softly.

Dr. Pom opened the door slightly, "You're late. Again. If you're late one more time today I will put you on nursing duty." 

Louis said nothing, he didn't even bother to look at her.

"Do I make myself clear, Tomlinson?" 

He nodded and then she opened the door allowing him to come into the room. She handed him the patient's clipboard. His eyes scanned it: Harry Styles. Age: 21. Height: 5"11. Routinely checkup. Symptoms: difficulty breathing, feverish, abdominal pain. 

"Hi," Louis heard a faint raspy voice say.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hi," Louis heard a faint raspy voice say.

Louis felt a little sick when he looked up. The boy was only two years younger than him and he was already sitting in a cancer ward. He didn’t understand this world and why cancer was a thing, well, he did scientifically. But, why did it happen to kids and guys as handsome as this one. Louis guessed he was probably relapsing from something. The kid didn't look sick, he looked perfect actually. Brown curls, big green eyes, and a crooked smile. His legs were dangling from the high bed he was on. He was smiling slightly, at Louis, but his eyes looked nervous.

"Cat got your tongue, speed it up," Dr. Pom interrupted softly, only for Louis to hear.

"Sorry," Louis mumbled while looking back at the patient's clipboard. "So, uh, Harry? You came in today because you're feeling sick?" He was desperately trying to scan his documents for more information regarding the situation. He was getting nervous as he could feel Dr. Pom's eyes on him. 

"Uh, yeah, yeah," Harry spoke up very slowly and low it made Louis more nervous. "I had Leukemia, like off and on while growing up. I get a checkup every year, but I was just feeling…not well so I decided to come in again. It could be anything, I'm probably just over exaggerating." Louis felt like there should be a right at the end of his sentence. Harry’s green eyes were full of worry now and he was pleading for Louis to tell him some good news. A look all too familiar for Louis.  
Louis forced a smile, "Well, we're going to run some tests to make sure you're still good. Is that OK?"

Harry nodded and smiled, "That's perfect, thanks."

"I'm going to start with a complete blood count." Louis set the clipboard down.

Harry jumped at the sound of Dr. Pom's pager going off. He watched as she checked it, turned it off and put a hand on Harry's shoulder, "I have to go, love, but you're in good hands here." She walked out of the room and Louis let out a sigh of relief.

"I'm going to prick your finger, is that all right?"

Harry nodded, "Is that your boss?"

Louis nodded while taking Harry's hand and wiping his index finger. 

"Are you a nurse?"

Louis scoffed, "No. I'm doing my doctor's residency here."

"Oh wow, so you're a big shot doctor," Harry grinned while looking up at Louis. 

Louis just rolled his eyes while pricking his finger. 

Harry was used to having mean nurses, tired doctors, agitated residents, but he wasn't used to them being as handsome as Louis was. He watched as he collected the blood on his finger. Harry was a big believer in fate. He believed in destiny, not coincidences. 

"You know," he started, "I don't really think my cancer is back. My friend came down with something last weekend and I probably just have the same thing."

"Mhm." Louis didn’t care, really. He was used to the patient trying to bargain or over justify why they came in. 

Harry knew he wasn't listening. He was used to this. He knew he was just a patient. He watched as Louis's light blue eyes scanned his papers. He was probably reading the years of Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia he suffered through and years of treatments and checkups. He was just a patient.

"OK," Louis said setting down the clipboard next to Harry's thigh, he noticed there was what looked like white dust all over his black tight jeans, "I'm going to bring in a nurse to get some x-rays from you. After that, you should be good to go. Dr. Pomeroy will call you with the results within two to three days.”

"Yeah, yeah," Harry said making perfect eye contact, "But, I was just saying I don't think it's back."

Louis just nodded, he knew Harry just wanted hope but the type of leukemia he had always came back for seconds. "Ok, well, I'll have nurse Brenda come in and she'll take you to the lab."

Harry nodded and stood up. It was almost perfect how he towered over Louis. Louis was now looking up at him when Harry said, "I think I was just feeling sick 'cause I had to meet you." 

Louis felt his face begin to warm up. He laughed nervous unsure of what to do. Louis had been hit on by patients before, all either old ladies or young girls. Never by a male this attractive. He cleared his throat trying to remain professional even though his face was as red as a tomato. "Thanks, but I'm not gay. Let me go get nurse Brenda." He walked away leaving Harry standing there alone. 

"What on earth happened to you, sweetheart?" Brenda said with a big laugh when she saw Louis rushing towards her. His face was still bright red.

He shot her a glare the older nurses loved to dish on the residents, "Nothing. I need you to go take this patient to get some x-rays. Everything is on the clipboard."

She laughed again and held her hand out for the clipboard. 

Louis cussed, "I forgot it. Uh, the patient has it. Just go. He's in room 205B."

"What'd he do? Bite you? You look so scared," She laughed again as Louis just stormed off unsure of what just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Feedback would be greatly appreciated <3


	3. Chapter 3

"So, he just hit on you?" Zayn said while guiding his ramen filled chopsticks to his mouth, “Was he at least cute?”

"Yeah," Louis said not using his chopsticks with as much grace as his roommate, "but it was weird. So, I just said I'm not gay. It was weird. I don't want to be hit on by a dying kid."

"But you are gay."

"Do I need to emphasize the word dying? or cancer? or kid?"

"I thought you said he was going in for a check-up?"

"Yeah, I did, but that type of leukemia always comes back. His chart said he'd been in remission for like 8 years or something, so, it's probably back."

"That's sad." Zayn stared at Louis wondering how he could talk about something so morbid so casually.

"It's just life," He said with a shrug. 

Zayn continued to eat, he knew better than to say anything. 

Harry arrived at his apartment late. The bus was running late when he got out of his appointment and he was still a little irritated about it, even though he was trying not to be.  
He greeted Noel, the guy who always worked the front desk, and took the stairs. The staircase was always empty, he liked to take them first, to be healthy, but second, to think.  
He didn't feel ashamed for hitting on Louis, he thought it was really funny actually. Harry was modestly aware of his good looks and he figured it didn’t hurt to try and hit on his doctor. Harry tried to live his life to the best of his ability. He wanted to be happy and live a simple life. That's why he kept ignoring the tightening knot in his stomach whenever he thought about relapsing.

He also tried to push away the feeling of being cold because he was sweating a bit. He knew a fever was creeping in and his muscles were getting sore. He finally emerged onto the fourth floor. 

He walked to room 411 and knocked.

It always took her a while to come to the door, but Harry didn't mind waiting. 

A small woman with grey short hair and a long purple dress on opened the door, "Harry!" she smiled and hugged him acting like she didn't see him every day.

"Hey," he said with a laugh while digging a brown paper bag out of his leather bag, "here, I brought you this," he handed her the bag. 

She peeked inside the bag and gave a large toothy smile, "fresh?"

"Of course, I baked 'em this morning!"

"Thank you," she gave him another huge and grabbed onto his arm, "come inside, I'll make you some dinner."

"No, I think I'm just gonna...go lie down."

"Oh. OK." She gave him one last hug before watching him walk into his own apartment.

Harry felt relieved that she didn’t notice he looked a bit pale and under the weather. Then he laid down on his mattress and deep down inside, he felt sad because she didn’t notice. And he just wanted someone to be there for him.

Harry just wanted to forget everything about today.


	4. Chapter 4

Harry sold his car to start his bakery. He moved into a cheap apartment and bought a bike. That's why he was on the bus headed to the hospital. It was an hour long bus ride. He didn't mind, though. He liked to look out the window or people watch.

Simplicity was all Harry longed for. 

Dr. Pomeroy's office was anything but simple, it had a lot of degrees framed on the wall. It also had plants, a fish tank, and a turquoise rug. 

Harry was instructed to wait in there for her, he felt sick to his stomach. He was glad he skipped breakfast because he really felt like throwing up. He had been waiting for her for ten minutes. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He kept track of his breathing until he heard the door open.

"Sorry," she spoke while sitting down in front of him, "my residents can be idiots."

"I want to live." 

"Sorry?" Her dark eyebrows furrowed and she tucked her short hair behind her ear.

"I, uh, I want to live. I'm not ready to give up. I know that many people would be ready to give up, but I'm not. I'm really not. So, I want treatment. Please, tell me that's an option."

She nodded. Despite all the rumors said about her, she was almost holding back tears as she looked into his pleading green eyes. "Harry, do you have any family with you that we can call in?"

He shook his head, "They don't live with me. I live alone."

"It's much easier to do this with loved ones, sweetheart."

"I know."

They were both quiet until she spoke up again, "OK, well, I want you to know that there is still some hope. We can start treatment, but your type of cancer is very aggressive. Time is of the essence."

He nodded, "OK. What are my options?"

"We'll start you off with treatment first. Probably a mixture of a few chemos."

Harry felt his throat tighten at the word chemo and that's when the tears started falling, he apologized softly, but Dr. Pom kept going. She didn’t notice he was crying, she continued to explain all the treatments and special chemicals. She told him a lot, but he didn't catch anything. He just kept wiping his eyes with his sleeves until she handed him a tissue. 

"It's not going to be easy, Harry." 

He nodded and wiped his tears with the tissue. 

"Do you have any questions?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah. When do I start treatment?"

"Well, like I said, time is of the essence here. So, the sooner the better." 

"Tomorrow?"

"Sure." She nodded while handing him a list of symptoms, "Tomorrow same time?"

He took it hesitantly and nodded.

"I'll see you then.”  
\---------   
Harry walked up to the front desk of the waiting room for the oncology room. When he was younger he used to get treated at children's cancer center. He liked seeing the pictures of the giraffes with sunglasses and the international children holding hands rather than the bleak white walls and sad old people sitting in chairs. But today he decided would be a good day. 

He sat down in the waiting room smiling at everyone. He got some smiles back and some people were too tired to smile. He looked forward. Today will be a good day, he thought to himself. A nurse with red curly hair called his name. She smiled at him and led him into a small room.

"We're going to take your height and weight first is that all right?"

He nodded and she was off. She didn't talk much just stared at him and poked around. He felt too nervous to make small talk. 

When she was done he followed her down a long hallway. He saw Dr. Pom coming down the hallway in black heels and a white coat and right behind her was the doctor from the other day.

When Louis saw Harry he swallowed hard. First, he was madly disappointed to see him at the hospital again. That could only mean that his cancer was back, which meant he would probably die. His type of cancer was awful.

Dr. Pom stopped to talk to Harry which meant Louis stopped too.

"Hi," Harry said to Louis, but Dr. Pom responded.

"Hello, Harry. How are you?"

"I'm good." He smiled. And he received the sympathetic look from Dr. Pom. The oh-you’re-not-really-good-but-thanks-for-trying-look. 

Louis got back on his phone and Harry felt his throat tighten. He was just another patient to everyone here. He watched as Dr. Pom and Louis walked away.

"What a shame, he's so young." Dr. Pom said. 

"It's life. Can I go to lunch?" 

"Fine. But if you come back smelling like smoke you're out of here."

Louis rolled his eyes and met up with Liam, pushing away any thoughts of the curly haired boy that came to his mind. It wasn’t sad, it was life.


	5. Chapter 5

Dr. Pomeroy was not lying when she told Harry the chemo treatment would be aggressive. Aggressive was an understatement, really. He had only been on treatment for nearly two weeks now and he felt like death.

Harry could barely make it off the bus this morning. The joints in his ankles had started to cause him a great amount of pain so walking hurt, but he powered through it. He was exhausted from vomiting all night last night and was more than grateful he had avoided throwing up on the bus ride. 

He slowly stepped down the bus and immediately sat on the bench. The hospital was three minutes away walking, but he felt exhausted already. He knew he was already late for his appointment so he got up and walked despite the pain shooting through his body. He walked into the waiting room and up to the front desk.

"I'm sorry I'm so late." 

"Don't worry, darling. It's Harry, right? Why don't you go sit down, we'll call you in a minute.” The receptionist’s voice was softer than Harry remembered and he knew he probably look awful. 

He smiled apologetically and took a seat. Almost immediately he started dozing off. It was a struggle to get out of bed this morning. 

He woke up to a nurse shaking his shoulder lightly, "Sweetie, chemo is ready for you. You can sleep in there."

He rubbed his eyes and mumbled sorry. He noticed she had a wheelchair for him. As much as he wanted to resist it, he sat in it and dozed off again. 

It was a miracle Louis showed up early to work this morning. He was following Liam around today because the other chump who was late had to be with Dr. Pom. Liam and him were walking down the main hallway when he saw Harry being escorted in a wheelchair. Louis hadn’t seen Harry for a while now, he thought he went to a different hospital or something. Harry’s eyes were closed and he looked pale and thin.

It had only been a week and he already looked awful. For some reason, Louis was silently rooting for him in his head. Maybe because he was only 21. Or maybe because Louis thought he was nice and handsome. 

"Quit staring it's rude," Liam interjected.

Louis felt his face go hot, "I'm not staring." He walked past him.

Thirty minutes later, Louis couldn't get Harry out of his mind. He ditched Liam and then it was like his feet had a mind of their own. He was walking to the chemo center. He walked in and scanned the room. It smelt like bleach, chemicals, and depression. He scanned the room until he saw some curls poking in front of a red recliner. 

He grabbed a blanket from the heating cabinet. 

Harry's eyes were shut. He was leaned back a bit and was holding a yellow bin in his lap. He had on grey sweatpants, a black sweater, and brown boots. Louis had to hold in his laugh. He looked like a mess.

Louis cleared his throat.

Harry opened his eyes slowly and he would have bolted right up if his back didn't hurt so bad. "Um, hi?" He sat up a little straighter. 

"I, uh, brought you a blanket. Are you here alone?" Louis looked around. "Are you always here alone?"

Harry blinked and rubbed his eyes softly, "What?" His voice was very hoarse. And he was very confused. This very attractive doctor was standing there. He knew he didn’t come in here because he never saw him. This was a nurse only place. Nowhere for a handsome, perfect doctor to be. 

"I brought you a blanket." Louis's voice was very demanding. That tended to happen when he was nervous. 

"I'm actually OK, thank you." 

Louis scoffed, "you're not OK. I can see the goosebumps on your arms. I'm trying to do something nice for you. Just take the blanket."

"I, uh, actually don't like hospital blankets. They gross me out." 

"We wash them every day."

"Are you offended?" He grinned lazily.

"No. You're just cold."

"You're worried about me, huh?" His grin grew.

"You're a patient. I'm a doctor. So, yeah. Duh." Louis was starting to blush.

"Well, doctor, I can't take your blanket but you could give me your jacket."

"My jacket?" Louis scoffed touching his black zip up jacket he was wearing, "forget it." He was annoyed now. Why was he even standing there trying to get Harry to take a blanket? 

Harry pouted and pretended to shiver, "OK."

Louis started walking away and Harry reached for him, "wait, wait."

"What?" 

"I won't take your jacket, but can I have your company at least?"

"My company?"

Harry nodded, "I have, like, an hour left of chemo and I'm bored." He was dead tired more than anything. He wanted to sleep, but he thought Louis was more important than sleep.

Louis folded his arms, "Well, um, if you brought people to chemo with you then you wouldn't be lonely. I have to get back to work."

Louis wasn't expecting for Harry to look as devasted as he did, but his eyes got a little watery and he just nodded and looked down. 

"Sorry," he whispered and pulled up a chair next to him. 

Harry smiled triumphantly, “what’s your name, doctor?” 

“Wait, I’ll tell you my name if you answer my first question,” Louis challenged and waited for Harry to nod, “Why are you here alone, seriously, where is your boyfriend?”

Harry laughed softly until he remembered laughing made his head hurt, “I don’t have a boyfriend.” I have cancer, he added in his head.

“That wasn’t my question.”

“It sort’f was.”

“No, no, not fair. Answer my question and you’ll get my name.”

Harry sighed softly, “My family doesn’t live here.”

“Do they at least know?”

He nodded, his stomach sinking just at the thought of how his sister and mom took the news. They all cried on skype together and Harry insisted on them not flying out here. “Not until it gets bad, please, please, just let me have this.” He said. Have what, exactly? He didn’t know. 

“Oh. What about friends?”

“This is more than one question.”

“Do you want my name or not?”

“My friend couldn’t make it today,” Niall cried when Harry told him, too. He promised he would be there for him for everything, but Harry didn’t tell him when he had chemo. He wanted to keep some of his dignity while he could. 

“Oh.” He noticed Harry pull down the sleeves on his sweater and he took his jacket off slowly, how could he not the boy was freezing, and he laid his jacket on him like a blanket.   
“Thank you,” Harry whispered, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. But inside he felt like he was melting. Or maybe that was the chemo actually melting his insides.

“Don’t mention it. Literally.”

Harry was beginning to doze off again so he said, before he forgot, “what’s your name, please?”

This was a crucial moment for Louis because telling him his name would violate his rule of not getting attached. He would be crossing his imaginary line of doctor and patient. 

“My name is Louis,” he said. 

“Louis,” Harry repeated, “I like it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for everyone that is giving me kudos and stuff! So grateful for everyone that is reading, I would love to know what everyone is thinking! <3


	6. Chapter 6

Harry snuggled up to Louis’s jacket, which smelt strongly of coffee, and began to doze off. Coffee reminded him of the second time he relapsed. He was about ten and his sister would drink coffee all the time. The smell now made him sick, but for some reason he really liked the smell of coffee now.   
Louis watched Harry fall asleep. His chocolate brown curls were flat, some where sticking to his forehead. He slowly took the empty throw up bin off his stomach and stood up. When he stood up he ran into a nurse. 

“Woah, careful,” she said pushing him away slightly. Louis searched his memory for her name. She was petite, brown eyed, and looked like a bunny. He could not remember her name. Maybe it was Alexa? 

“What are you doing here?”

Alexa had an attitude, he thought to himself, “I—I don’t know.” He glanced at Harry. “What am I doing here?” He asked himself. 

Alexa was confused and so was Louis. They both stood there and Alexa took the yellow throw up bin out of Louis’s hand and peeked inside for any throw up. 

“No, seriously, do you need help with anything?” She asked.

“Uh, well, uh, yeah, when is his therapy over?”

Alexa glanced at the IV stand, “an hour, I’d say.”

He nodded and she stared at him blankly.

“Well, everything looks good here. Keep up the good work.” Louis said while walking out. He hastened his way out of there, but once in the hall he slowed down trying to act cool. 

He was anything but cool, in fact, he was really hot. He thought he was sweating a bit and he felt nervous. His heart was racing slightly and he thought about what would happen if he were to pass out. 

He made it to the front desk again and asked around for Liam. 

“He’s in room 239,” said another resident who was scanning her clipboard. 

Louis walked in room 239 where Liam was standing next to a sleeping old lady. 

“Where were you?” Liam said obviously annoyed.

Louis put his index finger to his lips reminding Liam that a patient was sleeping. Liam glared and pulled Louis out of the room.

“Where’d you go, bud? That’s not cool. Look, I know I’m not Dr. Pom, but I still demand a little respect. You can’t just ditch me. You know, in fact, it’s not even about ditching me. It’s about ditching the job and all these patients on the list that we need to see. They have cancer, Louis. You are a resident and you’re here to learn not to slack off and run around doing whatever you want. For crying out l—“

“I went to go smoke.” Louis blurted out wanting to shut Liam up, “It’s a dirty habit, Li, I am so ashamed.”

Liam glared more, but he was really too tired to call Louis out, “Well, whatever, you can go check up on Mrs. Patterson since you are feeling a little rebellious today.” 

Louis groaned because Mrs. Patterson was literally the worst. 

Despite hating Mrs. Patterson, he stayed in her room for an hour. Just for the sole reason that he could go back to Harry without Liam noticing. He didn’t want to go back to see him though or talk to him or anything crazy like that. He wanted his jacket. 

So when the timer went off on his phone he darted out of Mrs. Patterson’s room and went back into the chemo room. He ran to where he remembered Harry being and there was Alexa wiping down an empty chair. 

“Where’d he go?”

Alexa looked up at him suspiciously, “Why?”

“Because…he’s my cousin.” 

“He didn’t tell me that.”

“Why would he?”

She rolled her eyes and looked away, “he left.” 

She was no help so I ran outside of the hospital. He was walking slowly away from parking, away from the hospital. He was using the hood of my jacket as a shield from the rain. 

I ran after after him, he wasn’t hard to catch up to he was walking really slow. “Hey!” 

He turned around and waved, he was drenched. (Because when does it not rain in Seattle?) And pleasantly surprised that Louis had come all this way to say goodbye. 

“Where are you going?”

“Home.” 

“Where’d you park?”

“Bus stop.” 

He turned his head in confusion so Harry explained, “I’m taking the bus home. I don’t have a car and biking here would be really hard.”

“Are you kidding me?” Louis sounded really mad now and Harry grew a little timid. Louis grabbed Harry by his jacket and pulled him back into the hospital. “You’re soaked; you could get a fever.” 

Harry didn’t really like to be pulled around like that it made him nauseous and dizzy. It also caused more achiness to his already sore body. “I’m going to miss the bus, I really have to go.”

“You’re not taking the bus after chemo. Are you insane?!” 

“I have to get home,” Harry was really worried about missing the bus. He wanted to lay down and sleep off the drugs and if he missed the bus he’d have to wait another 45 minutes. 

“I’ll drive you home, just sit down I have to get my keys.”

“You really don’t have to drive me home, really, I just need to go.”

“Sit down.” 

Harry sat down feeling really grateful he didn’t have to take the bus. But also really bad because he was just burdening Louis now. 

Louis darted around the hospital back into the changing rooms for residents. He grabbed his keys and ran. He was running because he didn’t want to get caught leaving work and because Harry could get a fever from being cold and wet. When he made it back to Harry he noticed that his hands were covering his face as his elbows rested on his knees. He felt like crap, it was obvious. 

“Hey,” Louis said rubbing his wet shoulder softly, “you ready?”

Harry nodded and forced a smile. Usually he was on his game when it came to handsome guys, but it was hard when Louis was a doctor and Harry just had an aggressive round of chemo flowing through him. Louis was tempted to offer Harry a wheelchair because he was going so slow, but he didn’t. He just walked beside him feeling very awkward.

The last time Louis went on a date was a year ago, more or less, with a girl from med school. Her name was Mellissa and she always wore lip gloss that smelled like cherry medicine. He wasn’t really attracted to her, but everyone told him she liked him so he just took her out. The whole time during dinner he was checking out the cute waiter. He was tall, lean, and had big brown eyes. That wasn’t when Louis found out he was gay, he always knew. That was when he decided to stop taking girls out. He also decided tall and lean guys were his type.

That’s why he felt awkward standing next to Harry. Because he was an attractive male and not to mention a patient. And Louis wasn’t allowed to like a patient. He didn’t like him, though, right?

They made it to Louis’s car, thankfully it wasn’t too far. Louis opened the door for Harry and he heard Harry chuckle. It was low, husk, and soft all at once and it made Louis’s stomach tighten. Louis ran to his side and quickly started the car, letting warm air rush out. 

“Where do you live?” Louis asked while backing out. 

“I live on third, at the oak crossing apartments,” He was holding his fingers against the warm air. Harry felt nervous, too. The last time he went on a date was actually three months ago. It was with a customer at his bakery and he slipped him his number on a napkin. Harry was confident in himself when he was feeling good. Right now, sitting in Louis’s crappy car his feet trying to avoid all the trash on the floor and trying to not feel utterly sick, he was not feeling good. He felt silly and embarrassed. He knew Louis was just being kind and giving him a ride home because he was sick. It was Louis’s job to be kind to patients, but Harry wished that he didn’t have cancer and that he didn’t just get out of chemo and instead of Louis worrying whether or not he’d get a fever, he could be driving him to his place so they could cuddle and act normal. 

“I used to live there, there close to the university, right? Are you a student?” Louis asked interrupting Harry’s thoughts.

“Um, I used to be, I dropped out.” 

Louis laughed a bit, “Lucky.”

“How old are you, anyways?”

“Um, 23, I turn 24 in a few months, though.”

“You’re young to be a doctor.”

“That’s ‘cause I’m not. I’m a resident.”

“Still young.” 

“You’re young to have cancer.”

They were both quiet and Louis’s insides were full of regret. The car was quiet for a while until Louis heard Harry rustling with the trash that was piled on the floor in front of his seat. He glanced over and Harry was picking it up, piling it onto his lap.

“Can you not touch my trash?” Louis said kind of harshly, which made Harry laugh.

“Sorry, it’s just in the way. Why do you drink so much coffee?” 

“Hey, stop being nosey.”

Harry laughed again this time a bit harder and Louis subconsciously admitted that he liked to make Harry laugh. 

“Please, don’t go through my trash,” he said now, more vulnerably.

“Why not?”

“It’s embarrassing.” 

Harry jumped as he touched a pack of cigarettes, “these yours?”

“No. Can you not touch my freaking trash?” 

They were both quiet again. 

Louis was bad at talking to people. He didn’t have many friends. He only had two actually, Zayn and Liam. He bit his lip and searched for something to say, but it was Harry who broke the silence. 

“Thanks for giving me a ride home.”

“Yeah. You really shouldn’t take the bus home. I bet you feel like crap. Why don’t you have a car?”

“I sold it after I dropped out of college. I never really needed to go far from home.”

“Oh.” 

Louis wanted to ask him why he dropped out. He wanted to ask him what his favorite color was, how he felt about the rain, and if he wanted to go on a date. But, he didn’t. Because Harry was just a patient. He couldn’t be anything more than that.


	7. Chapter 7

When Louis pulled up to Harry’s apartment the rain had stopped. Sort of. 

“Thank you, I really appreciate it,” Harry said, expecting Louis to park on the side of the road and let him down, but he didn’t. Louis parked where the residents did and he got out. Harry was a little mortified because this was the worst time to have a guy over. He didn’t like being babied, either, he thought as he stepped out of the car holding Louis’s trash. 

“What are you even doing?”

“You can’t become a hoarder, I won’t allow it.” He said with a lazy grin. 

Louis couldn’t help but laugh, “OK, funny boy, you win,” he grabbed the trash for Harry’s hand and threw it in a nearby dumpster. 

Harry grinned and walked into the small lobby. Louis followed behind him. 

Noel, they guy who was always working the front desk, got a bit worried when he saw Harry walk in with a guy in scrubs. Noel was used to watching Harry lead guys to his room, but a nurse? 

“Hey, Noel,” Harry said with a small wave and pressed the elevator button feeling too tired to conquer the stairs. Louis eyed Noel up and down.

“Hey, everything all right?” Noel asked glancing at Louis. 

“Yeah, yeah, he’s just a friend.” 

The elevator made a ding when it opened and both the boys walked in together. 

“Does he know?” Louis asked once the doors shut.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Hey, not to be rude, but why are you following me to my room?”

Louis blinked, he didn’t know why, “Because you have my jacket. And because I don’t want you to pass out before you get home.”

“I won’t pass out.” Harry mumbled while catching a glimpse of his reflection in the elevator mirror. He now understood why Louis was so worried. He had dark circles under his green eyes, he was really pale and his hair was soaked. He looked as tired as he felt and wished, again, to be normal. But then again, if anything about him was normal, he wouldn’t be standing by Louis right now in an elevator. So, he smiled a bit and counted that as a win. 

“You know,” He began to state his inner thoughts aloud now, “I’m not going to let cancer take over my life.”

“That’s…good?” Louis said wondering if Harry was starting to grow delusional. 

“I know it’s good. So, you know what, if I didn’t have cancer then you wouldn’t be here. So, I win this time.”

Louis felt his cheeks get a little hot and he tried not to smile, “So, me being here is a good thing?”

“I wish that I looked better and all, but yes.”

“And why is that?”

“You’re pushing things,” Harry said with a soft laugh and the elevator opened just in time. 

“Can I come in your place?” 

“Well, you’re already this far. Why not?” Harry dug in his leather bag for his key and opened the door. 

Louis anxiously walked in. The first thing he was the kitchen. The kitchen counter to be exact. It was white and tall and was the only thing that separated the main room from the kitchen. Harry’s walls were really white and bright. There was a window open and a mattress with a white comforter on top of it. There were pans hanging on the counter and plants. Plants were everywhere. By his window, his bed, on his counter, on the floor. 

“I think this is the brightest room in all of Seattle.” Louis joked and Harry laughed. 

“Does it only have one room?”

“It has the bathroom, living room, and kitchen. So, yeah, I guess.” 

“Wow. You must be paying next to nothing for this place.” 

“Basically.” Harry took Louis’s jacket off, “I’ll wash this before I return it.” 

“Oh, sure.” 

“Do you want some tea or something?” Harry rubbed at his eyes sleepily.

“No, you need to take off your clothes—because they’re wet,” Louis quickly added noticing when Harry’s eyebrows went up, “You could get a fever. You need to shower and dry off, then you can go to bed. I’ll make you some tea.”

“Are you like this with all of your patients.”

“You mean do I give them all rides homes and follow them into their apartments? Yes.” 

Harry laughed. Louis really liked his laugh it was raspy and innocent. “You really don’t have to stay.”

“I know, but I’ll make you tea then I’ll go home. Please go shower.” 

“OK… just make yourself at home.” Harry walked into the bathroom and Louis heard the shower start within seconds. 

Louis looked around his tiny apartment and couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He lived alone, had cancer, and took the bus to get chemo. Louis felt alone a lot of the time, but at least he had Zayn. Louis then realized that Harry’s guests all probably shared a bed with him because there was nowhere else to sit except for on a stool by the counter. So, he kind of felt jealous for the imaginary guests he was picturing in his mind. (Which were really attractive buff guys that looked nothing like Louis.) 

Louis walked into the kitchen and started looking for the tea. It was all neatly organized. Harry had about a million different flavors of tea: sleepy time, chamomile, green, black, earl gray, ginger, hibiscus, and too many others that he didn’t care about reading. He picked ginger tea because it reminded him of his mom. 

While the water was boiling, Louis began to snoop around. Harry had pictures on his very white walls. He had pictures of a blonde guy and Louis wondered if that was his boyfriend. He had a lot of pictures of this girl and Louis concluded that was his sister because they had the same nose. Then he looked in Harry’s fridge. Louis didn’t really know there were that much green things to eat until he opened Harry’s fridge. It was full of leafy greens and big tomatoes. He also had almond milk, rice milk, and soy milk. He had some stuff in there that Louis didn’t know was edible. It looked nothing like Louis’s fridge at home. It was full of beer and frozen meals. 

Louis jumped a bit at the screeching sound coming from the kettle. He poured some tea into a mug and opened the cabinet to look for sugar. He wasn’t surprised when he couldn’t find any. The smell of ginger tea made him homesick. It made him miss his mom. But it snapped him back to reality. Back to his reality of what the heck am I doing here? He shut the cabinet and walked out. He just left because Harry was a patient. He had gone beyond the line and he needs to retrace his steps.

Harry’s apartment smelled like ginger tea. He knew Louis was probably a really good doctor because ginger tea helped the most after chemo. It made him less nauseous and lulled him to sleep. Harry’s apartment was small and there was also a slight breeze from the door shutting, so, Harry didn’t have to look for Louis long to know he had left. 

Harry tried not to think much of it. He was just a patient in Louis’s eyes and he couldn’t think of himself as anything other than that. Harry realized that slowly the cancer was beginning to win, so, he laid on his mattress breathing in the smell of ginger tea and eventually fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shortish chapter. thanks for all the reads and those who are sending kudos. feedback is greatly appreciated <3


	8. Chapter 8

Louis went back to work feeling absolutely foolish that he had just stood in Harry’s house and made him tea. Louis was itching to talk to him, he really wanted to see him again. Because, yes, he liked Harry. He was attracted to him. Harry had a glow about him. He walked around like he was grateful and he liked his fridge full of vegetables and he liked that Harry looked healthier than him despite having cancer. Because, yeah, Harry was healthier than him really. If anyone should be getting cancer it should be Louis.

Louis had never had a boyfriend. He was too shy to hit on boys and once he officially came out he was drowning in work. He liked Harry. Which was wrong because Harry had cancer. 

Louis was leaning on the desk that was in the middle of the cancer clinic. He had one more hour left to his shift and he was just leaning there, big eyed, thinking about Harry.

Liam walked over and nudged him. He was talking, Louis knew he was talking, but he couldn’t seem to concentrate. 

“Lou, Lou,” Liam said more annoyingly now. 

“He sleeps on a mattress on his floor,” Louis blurted out and Liam blinked in confusion. 

“Who does?”

“Harry.”

“Who’s Harry?”

“He’s a patient here. He has cancer. He’s 21 and has curly hair and he rides the bus to chemo and back and he sleeps on a mattress on his floor.”

“Wow. That’s really sad. But, uh, how do you know all this?”

“Because…because I screwed up, Liam. I screwed up big time.”

Liam was really concerned. The last time Louis talked about a patient this in depth was to complain about Mrs. Patterson. Liam began to think off all the ways that Louis could screw up majorly with a patient and came to the rational conclusion that Louis had slipped him something he wasn’t supposed to take and Harry was dead somewhere. So, Liam, gently pulled Louis into the break room. 

“OK, Louis, how did you mess up?”

Louis shook his head and began to nervously run his fingers through his hair. 

“You’re freaking me out, Lou.”

“I just, I got to know him. And he’s beautiful, like, really cute.”

Liam laughed softly and Louis shoved him, “Don’t laugh at me, Liam!”

“Sorry, sorry, you just—you’re telling me that you think a patient here is cute? And you messed up by getting to know him?”

“You know my rule, Li.”

“Ah, yes, the infamous Tomlinson rule. Don’t get to know the patients. Treat them like they are robots with cancer and go on your day.”

“Stop.”

Liam stopped because he could see emotions actually leaking out of Louis’s pores and that was quiet rare for Louis. Louis was the type of guy who sat behind the hospital and smoked while drinking black coffee. He was the type of guy who thrived in Seattle’s depressing weather and who wore black when he wasn’t in scrubs. Louis wasn’t a guy who had feelings normally. It was common to see doctors, nurses, and especially residents cry. Louis didn’t cry though; he didn’t care about the patients. So, Liam knew this was serious. 

“Listen, Lou, do you want to know my rule?”

Louis nodded.

“It’s to get attached. Get to know the patients. Ask them for their favorite color, or what they like to do in their spare time, tell them jokes—get attached. Don’t desensitize yourself to death and pain and suffering. It makes this job a lot better, a lot easier to help them, and a lot more meaningful. And this Harry guy—get to know him. I don’t know if getting feelings for him is a good idea because you know cancer better than anyone. But, getting to know him isn’t a mistake.” 

Louis was looking down now. He was thinking of the word desensitization. Then he was thinking of the word numb. Two words he knew too well.

Liam patted his shoulder, “get to know him, Lou. And get to know your other patients. Or else this career is meaningless. My first patient’s name, as a real doctor, was Glenn Dale. She was 32 years old and had acute myeloid leukemia. She had brown eyes and her she liked to take pictures. She made it through. My first patient that died was 67 years old and his name was Henry Gonzalez. He used to play guitar when he was younger. Listen, the point of this is that they stay in your hearts. All the Glenns and Henrys, they stay with you. They make this job worth it, through all the pain and suffering and sadness the bring joy and peace. Don’t make the mistake of shutting them out. It’ll only destroy you.” 

“So… you’re saying I should get to know Harry.”

“Yeah, get to know him. Get to know everyone you meet Louis.” 

Louis nodded slowly and Liam felt pride because he knew that Louis was beginning to understand. “Also, just be vulnerable.”

So Louis did what any person would do and he read Harry’s file. Harry had signs of leukemia at three years old. He was on treatment for almost two years then it went away, but it came back when he was eight. He had treatment for three years and has been fine since then. Until a few weeks ago when he came in for a checkup and showed signs of relapse. He is currently on an experimental chemo that consisted of administration of the chemo. I remember reading about this type of chemo, not many patients use it. It’s kind of a last attempt one that destroys your body just so it’ll get one last push to go into remission. His chemo sessions are a week per month with three weeks of recovery for the body. Louis feels sick to his stomach for a minute then he closes his file and decides to suck it up and be vulnerable. 

The next morning it’s raining again pretty hard. Zayn walks up to Louis’s door just about to knock when Louis opens the door. 

“You’re up?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I have to go to work early.” Louis was lying, he didn’t have to go to work early, he had to stop by Harry’s house and make sure he didn’t take the bus to chemo.   
It was 6:10 am. Louis made it to Harry’s house by 7 am. 

Harry liked to go running in the mornings or do yoga. He liked to water his plants, stretch, and run before the sunrise. 

But with each passing week, Harry found that mornings were getting harder. This morning was hard especially because he had been up vomiting for nearly four hours. That’s why he was still on his mattress when he heard a loud knock on his door. At first he thought he was dreaming, but then he heard the door handle start to shake. He didn’t think he could get up. His body felt heavy and his bones were starting to hurt. The knock got louder and Harry slowly pushed himself up from his mattress. When he opened the door he thought he was dreaming again.

“Wow,” Louis said raising his eyebrows. Harry looked like crap to say the least. He was pale and kind of hunched over, he looked a bit feverish and he looked exhausted.

“What are you doing here?” Harry started running his hands nervously through his hair trying to fix his messy curls.

“I’m taking you to chemo. It’s raining so bring a rain jacket this time.”

“I—I don’t understand.” 

Louis let himself in. He noticed the mug he used to give him ginger tea in was by the mattress half empty. “I’m taking you to chemo because I don’t want you taking the bus.”

“Why are you doing that?” 

“Because we’re friends.”

And Harry couldn’t argue with that.


	9. Chapter 9

Harry didn’t bother to get undressed, he just grabbed his black raincoat from his laundry room and slipped some black rain boots on. Louis tried not to notice how much effort it was for him to bend down. He also tried to not notice the small bruise he had on his lower back. He also tried not to notice hips—bare hip and the tattoo he had next to his hip. 

Louis looked away towards the window which was less distracting. 

“Do you want some breakfast?” 

Louis was a bit stunned by the question, “Uh, breakfast?”

Harry nodded and Louis politely declined. When in reality he wanted to point out that they could be late for his chemo and that he shouldn’t be making anyone breakfast. Politeness and Louis didn’t really exist so this was a step up for him. 

“What time is your chemo at?”

“8, but sometimes I get there a bit later.”

“That’s OK, I think we’ll make it. Ready?”

Harry nodded and followed Louis out the door. Louis pressed the elevator button and watched Harry. He could tell Harry was trying not to look too sick. He was standing straighter and trying to keep his eyes open, but his arms were tightly wrapped around his own torso as if trying to hold himself together. Louis knew. He had studied this for a big part of his life. He knew. 

The elevator opened and they silently walked in. Louis started to question if he had made a mistake or not. Harry shut his eyes wanting to avoid the mirror. He knew what he would see if he looked. He’d see greasy hair stuck to his forehead. Bloodshot eyes with dark bags to accompany and pale complexion. 

What Louis saw though were brown curls that reminded him of hot chocolate. Green eyes that looked tired, but still alive. A fair complexion and a strong jaw line. He also saw his nice pink lips and they were a little chapped. He saw a really brave handsome boy. 

It was quiet until Louis put a hand on Harry’s cheek and Harry gasped softly. 

“I think you’re going to get a fever,” Louis said letting his hand fall when the elevator opened. 

Harry didn’t know what to say so he just walked out of the elevator. Noel was watching Louis, he looked confused.

“Hey, Noel,” Harry said roughly his voice sounding like he had just woken up. 

Noel waved slightly, “everything OK?”

Harry nodded and followed Louis out to his car. Louis was right, he thought, it is raining. 

He put his hood on and found his way to Louis’s car. He noticed that it looked cleaner than yesterday and smelled nice too. It smelt like clean clothes.

“Did you clean your car for me?” Harry said with a small smile as Louis started the car.

“Psh, no.” But Harry could tell he was lying. 

“Thank you.”

“Yeah, well, don’t mention it. You can lie your seat back and sleep if you want.”

“I don’t want to,” he sort of did, “I want your voice to be the soundtrack of today’s car ride.”

Louis laughed a bit, sheepishly, “Uh, what?”

“Tell me about yourself.”

“What do you want to know?””

“Don’t make me talk, it hurts.”

“Ok, fine, uh….” 

Harry dozed off a bit while Louis thought of something to say, then Louis realized he was asleep and stayed quiet. Louis was kind of relieved, yet kind of sad. He hadn’t talked about himself in a while. 

Harry’s eyes opened again, “Do you live alone?”

“No, I live with my wife and kids, duh.”

Harry laughed weakly, he was starting to understand his humor which made Louis smile. 

“I live with my friend Zayn.”

“How’d you meet?”

“We met in college, our first year. He was an art major and lived two doors down from me. I don’t really remember how we became friends—I think like at a floor party or something stupid. College is stupid. Why’d you drop out?” 

“It’s not my turn to talk,” Harry mumbled and Louis could tell he wasn’t in the mood to talk.

 

“Ok, fine. So, uh, yeah, we’re roommates. I’m really bad at this. You have to ask my questions.”

“Siblings?”

“No.”

“Parents?”

“No.”

That made Harry open his eyes. He was trying to read Louis, but he couldn’t. It was easy for Louis to wear the same face. All Harry could tell was he didn’t want to talk about it. 

“Cats or dogs?” He continued.

“Dogs.”

“Me too.”

They both smiled. Louis parked in his usual spot and walked with Harry into the waiting room. He let Harry sit down while he signed him in. Harry was dozing off and didn’t realize Louis was waiting next to him. Louis liked having Harry by his side even if he was half asleep. He liked Harry. 

“Hey,” he shook him softly when the nurse came to bring him back.

Harry opened his eyes and for a minute he thought he had dreamed everything, but he saw Louis next to him and nurse Maddie in front of him and he realized it was reality. Harry really liked Nurse Maddie. She was by far his favorite nurse because she always talked. She talked about the weather or made funny jokes while putting his IV in. 

“Hey, ready to get started?”

Harry nodded and Louis stood up, “Hey, I’ll come get you when you’re done, OK?”

Harry nodded again. He felt like a child. 

“I think he has a fever, too, Maddie,” Louis whispered before walking away. 

“Are you dating Louis?” Maddie said with a grin and Harry swallowed uncomfortably.

“No, he’s like, a doctor.”

“Yeah and?”

“We’re just friends.” Harry watched Louis walk away and he did (or didn’t) check out Louis’s behind. 

The hours passed slowly for both of the boys. Harry’s treatment lasted four hours. He slept for three of them and felt absolutely nauseous for the last one. When he woke up he thought he had missed his chemo appointment. He thought Louis was a dream and he was still on his mattress asleep. But no, he was in a red reclined chair with a yellow bucket on his lap. Which was good because he threw up right away. 

Louis timed the four hours on his cell phone. He didn’t really tell anyone what he was doing so he had to sneak around when his timer went off. He planned to drop Harry off at home and then go back to work. He walked back into the chemo center and searched for Harry. He saw his curls and he saw Maddie in light blue scrubs. Maddie was putting a patch on him and Louis recognized it as an anti-nausea patch. 

“Hey, all done?” He asked while walking over and Maddie couldn’t help but smile at Louis. Everyone knew Louis around the clinic. He was mean, angry, and rude. No one really thought good things of him, so, Maddie really liked getting to see this side of Louis. 

Harry nodded, “Thank you, Maddie,” he got up slowly and felt a little dizzy. 

“Need a wheelchair?” Maddie asked.

“No, no, I’m fine,” he wasn’t, but he didn’t want Louis to have to push him around in a wheelchair. 

Louis frowned a bit, “OK, bye.” He let Harry walk out first. 

They walked silently to Louis’s car and the rain had stopped, but Harry was wearing his hood up anyways. Louis wanted to talk to Harry, but he knew Harry was probably tired. He thought about taking the long way home, too because he wanted to spend a lot of time with Harry. As much time as he could because Harry wouldn’t be going to the hospital for three weeks and Louis really liked Harry. But he decided against it because he could tell Harry was tired.

Harry didn’t like to question life, he didn’t like to be upset, and he didn’t like to complain. But, right now, he was upset. He was upset that he had to be sick and he was upset that he had to meet Louis this way. Harry was fun to be around, he knew that. He was usually always full of energy and always knew what to say. But Harry felt like collapsing. He felt miserable inside and he was cold, tired, and hurting, all in front of Louis. He liked Louis even though he was trying really hard no to because Louis was healthy.

“Thanks again for doing all of this. I really didn’t like the bus.” Harry said once Louis had driven away from the hospital.

“Oh, yeah, no problem.”

Harry looked out the window.

“So, uh, I told you a little about myself this morning. Now it’s your turn.”

Harry smiled a bit, “OK…what would you like to know?”

“Why’d you drop out of college?”

“Wow, you didn’t even have to think about that one.”

Louis rolled his eyes.

“I dropped out because I didn’t like it. I was working at a bakery at the time as a manager, but the owner told me she would sell it to me. So, I sold everything I owned, borrowed some money, and bought it.”

“You own a bakery?”

“Yeah, it’s called Whole Earth Bakery. I’ve had it for about a year or so now.”

“Oh, oh, is your logo like gray and orangey?”

Harry nodded and grinned, “Have you been?”

“No, no, but Zayn he brought back like muffins from there once. They were amazing!”

Harry was still grinning, “Did you know they were organic?”

“Ew, seriously?”

“Yeah, yeah, I make everything organic. You should come by sometime, I’ll probably be back to work like Wednesday.”

“Um, sure, yeah, I’ll come by only if you give me free stuff.”

“I will.” Harry leaned back a small smirk on his face and Louis gripped the steering wheel feeling small butterflies in his stomach. 

They were both silent again. Both rummaging their brains for what to say. They were both really nervous, too. The rest of the car ride was silent, until Louis parked at Harry’s apartment building.

“Are you going to follow me upstairs again?”

“Well, yeah, I don’t want you to pass out or anything.”

Harry smiled and they both walked in. Noel didn’t say anything, he was still suspicious, but he was getting used to seeing Louis walk in and out. 

“Thanks again,” Harry said when the elevator doors closed.

“Stop saying thanks, really.”

“OK. What’s your favorite color?”

“Green.” Louis glanced at Harry to catch a glimpse of his eyes, but Harry caught him looking so he looked down at his shoes. He liked Harry’s rain boots even though they were silly. 

The elevator opened and he followed Harry to his door. 

Harry opened the door and saw that someone made his bed, then he saw Niall at his counter and the whole place smelled like eggs. 

“HEY!” Niall shouted over the radio and his raised his brows when he saw Louis. “Woah, everything OK?” Everyone got thrown off by the scrubs. 

“Hey, Niall!” All of a sudden Harry grew really nervous. He didn’t want Niall to know about Louis because Louis was just his friend. Well, he was a resident who would never like him, but he didn’t want Niall to find out. So, he gently pushed Louis out and shut the door.

“Who’s that?” Louis felt jealous. He assumed that the only reason Harry was acting so suspicious was because the adorable blonde guy in his kitchen was his boyfriend. It’s not like Harry had to tell him he had a boyfriend, but it would be nice if he did. 

“He’s just a friend, I promise.”

“It’s not my business, anyways. I should head back to work. I’ll see you in three weeks.”

Louis was about to walk away when Harry grabbed his hand. “Wait, I just, I want to like really thank you for giving me a ride. I usually start to feel better by Wednesday. So, let me take you out.”

Louis blinked and his stomach grew tight, “Um, you don’t have to.”

“No, I want to. Please, but you’ll have to drive because I don’t have a car, but then we can just walk to where I’m going to take you. But come by the bakery in the morning, if you can, but, wait, give me your number.” Harry was talking fast because he was nervous. He just basically asked him on a date.

“Yeah, sure, OK,” Louis was talking slowly because he had just accepted a date which was really unprofessional.

They exchanged numbers and awkwardly said goodbye. Louis pressed the elevator button to go back down wondering what he had just done.


	10. Chapter 10

Louis had not been counting the days down ‘till Wednesday. He had just been extremely aware of how slow the week was going. The weekend did go by very slowly because he just wanted to see Harry again. He texted him a lot. Their texts consisted of silly jokes, more questions, and a lot of Louis asking how Harry was doing.

Harry was doing OK. He was right, Wednesdays were when he started feeling better. The chemo was sort of letting his body recover by then, but it took a lot of throwing up, sleeping, not sleeping, pain, headaches, basically a lot of awful things in order for him to feel better. 

Regardless, he made it to Wednesday. Harry texted Louis as soon as he woke up which was around 9 am. 

Hey, how’s work?

He waited by his phone for a few minutes, then he got up and started making breakfast. His stomach was aching with hunger. Once the chemo loosened up a bit he started feeling a bit more human. 

He was in the shower when his phone went off and he had to force himself not to jump out and check it. But, once he was out he grabbed his phone and opened Louis’s text.  
Work is work. How are you feeling?

He texted back immediately: I’m feeling a lot better. Come over around 6 pm?

Sure, want me to bring anything? 

No, just yourself (: 

But Louis brought flowers because Zayn told him to and Zayn gets more girls than him. So, Louis knocked on his door holding white flowers that looked really fancy, but he forgot the name of them. He straightened out his gray shirt and tried to fix his hair. 

Harry practically ran to the door when he heard the knock. He opened it and his heart fluttered a little because Louis looked amazing without scrubs on. He had a nice curvy body which Harry hadn’t really noticed before and he was holding white tulips in his hand. 

“Wow, hi, you look so good,” Harry said with a smile. 

“Uh, thanks, so do you. Uh, here,” Louis handed him the flowers and smiled when Harry dug his nose right in and smelled them.

“These are beautiful, thanks.”

Louis wanted to kiss him right there, but instead, he followed Harry inside and watched him put the flowers in a mint vase. 

“You look like you’re feeling a lot better,” Louis said which was true. Harry was glowing, his eyes looked greener and his hair looked a lot cleaner. Louis wished he could always look like that, but then he remembered that even when Harry was feeling ill he still looked like a model. 

“Thanks, I am. But tonight, I don’t want to talk about my symptoms or being sick or anything. I just want to pretend that I’m normal.”

“I want to pretend that I’m normal, too.”

“Well, that settles it. We are both utterly normal.”

“That sounds so boring.”

“It is, it is.”

Louis laughed and Harry watched the way his eyes disappeared into his face a bit and wrinkles formed around the corner of his lips. 

“Are you ready to go?” Harry grabbed Louis’s hand and Louis’s heart stopped a little. He forgot how to breathe for a second.

“Yeah, yeah. Where are we going anyways?”

“Well, since you never stopped by the bakery— “

“Hey, I was so busy with work. I really wanted to stop by.”

“Nah, it’s ok, really.” Harry smiled and led Louis out of the apartment, “Let’s take the stairs, yeah?”

“Sure.” Louis let Harry guide him the whole way down, he liked how big Harry’s hand was.

They went down the stairs slowly and Harry felt a little winded and tired, but he tried to ignore it. 

The air outside was cool and burned Harry’s lungs a little. The sun was still out, but the sky was turning a darker blue.

“How far is your bakery?”

“It’s a five-minute walking distance.”

“Oh, that’s nice.”

He nodded, “What made you want to become an oncologist?”

“Um,” Louis shrugged, “I wanted to help people.”

“With cancer?”

“Yeah, I guess, I was just under the illusion that I could cure people, but it’s kind of pointless. Oh. Crap. I mean…”

“No, it’s OK.” 

“Sorry, I don’t have a filter sometimes.”

“It’s fine. But it’s not pointless. Some people get better and even if we don’t, we’re a lot happier than most people.”

“Yeah, exactly. That’s why it sucks. Because people have to start dying to realize they’re happy.”

Harry was quiet for a minute. “Are you happy?”

Louis looked up at Harry and then he gave his hand a small squeeze, “I think I’m starting to be.”

Harry smiled and breathed in the cold air a little more. “So, that’s why you became an oncologist because you just wanted to help people. Couldn’t you just settle as a doctor or whatever?”

Louis felt his stomach churn a little, “My mom had cancer.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s not really a big deal. It’s life, right?” 

“It is a big deal, it’s your mom.”

“I thought we were going to pretend to be normal for a night.”

“Oh, right.” Harry itched his head with his free hand and then reached into his pocket for the keys to the bakery. The bakery was on a corner in the street across from a closed bookstore and next to a pizza shop. Harry let Louis go in first, it was nice. It was kind of small with cream floors and wood counters, tables, and cabinets. There was a lot of bread and a lot of sweets on display. The chairs were all up.

“This is nice,” Louis said softly.

“Thanks,” Harry pulled a chair out for Louis on a circular wooden table that was painted white, “I hope you like chicken because that’s what I cooked.”

“I like anything warm, honestly.”

It wasn’t just chicken that Harry had cooked. It was seasoned and sliced and had grilled asparagus next to it. It looked fancier than anything Louis had eaten and it tasted amazing, too. Harry poured him wine, too and they finished it off with some cupcakes Harry had sitting there. Louis had about three cupcakes. The conversation was kept light, Harry told him about his mother that worries constantly and his sister that worries even more. Louis told him about Zayn and work, but he mostly liked to listen to Harry’s raspy voice talk. He liked to watch how his eyes lit up when he told stories and how he neatly wiped his mouth with a napkin. It was late by the time they finished, the sun was long gone and it was very dark outside. 

Louis and Harry were in the back of the bakery, cleaning up the dishes.

“Thanks, Harry, this was really nice. You’re an amazing cook.”

“Thank you,” Harry smiled and his cheeks felt a little hot.

Louis wanted to tell Harry that he thought he was beautiful inside and out, but he kept his eyes glued on the soapy dish. 

“Louis,” Harry broke the silence and took the dish out of Louis’s hand and gently set it down. He turned the sink off and the room was completely silent now. Louis was looking at Harry and his face looked a bit serious. “Louis,” Harry said again, now that it was a bit quieter, “I just wanted to say that I, um, I tried really hard not to like you. Because, well, it’s not really fair to you ‘cause as much as we can pretend to be normal for a few hours it’s just pretending. I’m not normal, I have leukemia and I’m really scared. I’m so scared, but that’s beside the point. The point is that I tried to not fall for you, but I don’t think it worked because I get really nervous around you and every time I see you I want to kiss you. It’s not fair for me to like you because I’m not normal. So, maybe, we should just stop pretending.” 

Harry took a deep breath and counted to three because he learned to always count to three after saying something because it took some time for others to process it. Louis didn’t say anything, though, he took a step closer to Harry.

“Normal is boring, Harry,” and he kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that is leaving feedback, I appreciate it so much! Also thanks to those who are even just reading!


	11. Chapter 11

Louis was lying with Harry on his mattress. He was watching Harry’s butterfly tattoo rise slowly with every breath. Harry was asleep, but Louis couldn’t sleep. He was too happy to sleep. He wanted to soak in every smell, wanted to memorize every feature on Harry’s face. Not because he wouldn’t get to see him again, but because there’s always something so magical about your firsts. 

Being with Harry reminded Louis of his first semester of college. His first semester of college was the best, it was fun, and adventure-filled. Everyone was new. He was introduced to new people, alcohol, subjects, smells—everything was new and exciting even the bad stuff. Despite college being so incredible, there was always the small thought in the back of your head about finals. Being with Harry was like being a freshman in college again. 

But right now was the beginning and the beginning was always good. Even if Harry had cancer. So, Louis took the lanky boy in his arms and cuddled him. He had never cuddled anyone before (the drunken cuddles with Zayn don’t count). He wondered if he was doing it right and he breathed Harry’s scent in. It smelt like food from all the cooking he had done, but his hair smelled like honey. He wanted to stay awake because he knew that if he fell asleep this moment would be in the past.

~  
Louis woke up to the sound of Harry’s ringtone which was a bunch of annoying chimes. For a minute, he forgot about the kiss and Harry’s smell until he heard Harry’s low raspy voice,

“Hello?” Harry got up from the mattress slowly and walked into the kitchen talking more quietly now. 

Harry was a little annoyed that his mom was calling him because it was 7:30 am and he just wanted to get back in bed with Louis.

“Wow! Thanks for finally answering the phone!” It was his sister, calling from his mom’s phone. 

Harry laughed a little and glanced over at Louis, “Hey, I’m kinda busy right now.”

“No, no, you literally dropped off the face of the earth. That is so rude, especially when you have cancer. Mom and I are worried sick. So, do not hang up. If you hang up, I will buy a plane ticket over there so fast, Harry.”

“Fine. What’s up?” Harry stepped outside and softly shut the door. 

“What’s up? Harry the last text you sent was like two days ago saying I’m fine. We are worried about you and you’re shutting us out.”

“I’m sorry. I’m fine really, though. Chemo was kicking my butt at first, but I have a three-week break until I have to go back. I’m really OK. I’m just trying to be normal and pretend this isn’t happening, Gemma.” 

“Well, it is, and you could stop pretending to talk to your family for a few seconds. Mom is really worried and it’s not fair of you to shut her out.”  
“OK, I’ll stop shutting her out.”

“You can’t play pretend forever.”

And she was right. But right now Louis was laying on his mattress and that seemed like a good reason to play pretend. 

“I said OK, Gemma.”

“She wants to fly out there.”

“No, no, not yet. Please, just let me feel normal until I can’t OK, please?”

“I’ll try to convince her not to, but you have to stop ignoring us. And skype us more.”

“OK. Listen, I have to go.” 

“Why? What are you doing?”

Harry contemplated if he should mention Louis, “I have to go to work.”

“You’re still working?!”

“Of course, I am; I have to go bye.” He hung up and walked inside. Louis was sitting up, he was shirtless. He slept shirtless, it was great. Harry jumped on him and decided he would tell his family about him later. 

“Who was that?” Louis said while trying to catch Harry as he pounced on him.

“My sister. What do you like to eat for breakfast?”

“Uh, coffee?”

“That’s it?” Harry looked confused and Louis laughed a bit. 

“Yeah, that’s it. I don’t usually eat breakfast.”

“Oh. Ok. Well, can I make you some eggs and coffee?”

"Yeah, sure."

Harry gave Louis a small kiss and got up walking into the kitchen. Louis got up and realized that his back was hurting. “How can you sleep on the floor?”

“It’s not the floor, I have a mattress.”

“That’s on the floor.”

Harry shrugged and begun to get his pans down. 

“Hey, can I take out for breakfast? There’s this place that has really good coffee. Like the best.”

“Oh. Ok, sure.” 

Louis was putting his shirt back on, “but, I need to go to my apartment first and change.” Maybe this was a ploy to get Harry to his apartment because Zayn really did want to meet Harry, but so what?

“OK, I’ll change really fast, then.” 

Louis walked into Harry’s bathroom while Harry searched for a change of clothes. Louis didn’t really have to pee, he just needed to speed text Zayn to tell him to clean the place up a bit. Then he opened Harry’s medicine cabinet. Harry’s bathroom was small and pulling the mirrors apart revealed a whole lot of medicine. Louis looked at a few and read the labels. Anti-nausea, painkillers, prescription ibuprofen, and more pills for usual chemo pains. He shook his head and noticed how badly he was craving a cigarette. 

He flushed the toilet just in case Harry was listening, turned the sink on and walked back out. 

“Ready?” He asked Harry who was doubling over to make his bed. Or lack of bed. Harry nodded and smiled. Louis wondered about love at first sight, then shook the idea out of his head. He just attributed the thought to the white low cut t-shirt Harry was wearing. 

Harry thought Louis’s apartment building was very…cool. It was tall and made out of bricks. Louis lived on the second floor and Harry held his hand in the elevator. He wanted to kiss him, but he was afraid of scaring him away. 

When Harry walked into Louis’s apartment he couldn’t help but laugh. It definitely looked and smelled like two males lived there. It smelled like someone sprayed Febreze everywhere to disguise the smell of smoke. It really smelt like smoke. Harry had asthma and cancer. His lungs felt like they were sore a lot and smoke made him cough. He held in his cough because if he were any normal person, he wouldn’t be coughing at the smell of smoke.

Louis was immune to the smell. This was home. Home was a dull yellow couch with an old coffee table that was piled with video games. He noticed the effort Zayn made to try to clean up. It looked cleaner to him but compared to Harry’s place his place was probably like a dumpster.

“Sorry for the mess,” he said softly and Harry just kissed his head, “I’m going to go change.” He let go of Harry’s hand, but Harry didn’t. 

“Wait, I want to see your room.”

“Oh, sure, yeah.” Louis wondered if his room was clean or not. He walked in slowly and found an unmade bed with a half empty coffee cup on the nightstand. There were some clothes on the floor from the night before. Louis couldn’t figure out what outfit Harry would like better.

Harry smiled, he liked his room. He liked Louis. He liked that Louis was now collecting the pile of clothes in his hand and the half full coffee cup.

“Come to the kitchen and meet my roommate,” Louis said just wanting to get Harry out of his room. Harry followed him into the kitchen. There were a few dirty dishes in the sink and a pizza box on the table. 

“ZAYN!” Louis called still holding his clothes, but placing the coffee mug in the sink. 

Zayn came out quickly like he was waiting for Louis to call for him. Louis knew that he could call Zayn whenever. Zayn worked as a computer shift manager. That was the job title, but Louis had no idea what it meant. All he knew was that Zayn was capable of fixing his laptop in a matter of seconds. He also knew that Zayn worked from 10pm to 4 am, but Zayn never slept. Louis had self-diagnosed him with insomnia. 

Zayn looked Harry up and down. He noticed he was thin, tall, and had brown curly hair. Zayn had never met a boy Louis liked. Louis didn’t talk about liking boys too much. 

“Hey, I’m Zayn. You’re Harry, right?” He shook Harry’s hand and Harry shook it back thinking this was too formal. Harry was definitely a hugger, but Zayn looked to mysterious to hug. Harry thought Zayn was beautiful. He was a pretty boy and Harry instantly wondered if Zayn and Louis had ever kissed or had sex because Zayn was attractive and Louis was attractive. 

Harry nodded and all of a sudden he realized he was nervous. He wanted to make a good impression on him.

“Louis talks a lot about you.” They both said at the same time which made Louis roll his eyes and Harry laugh. Harry was blushing a bit now and he watched in minor disgust as 

Zayn opened an old pizza box and took a slice. Harry also noted the pack of cigarettes next to the pizza box. He wondered if they were Louis or Zayn’s or both.

“He talks about your curly hair and pretty eyes. He is kind of obsessed with you.” Zayn said while leaning his body back so he was resting on the wooden chair.

Louis punched Zayn in the stomach and Harry jumped a bit. “OK, wow, this was a mistake,” Louis said and Zayn laughed softly while protecting his stomach.

Harry smiled and looked down he couldn’t get the words pretty eyes and obsessed out of his head. 

“Well, I’m going to get dressed really fast then we’ll go.” Louis ran back into his room and the door shut.

“We’re going to get some breakfast; do you want to come?” Harry asked Zayn who was still eating old pizza. 

“I’m OK, I already ate breakfast. And, I think he wants his alone time with you.”

Harry nodded a bit, “OK.” He watched Zayn and they made small talk until Louis came back out which wasn’t long. 

“You know,” Louis said later, and not later that day, but a few months later when Harry was sitting in a red chemo chair looking a lot different than the day he went in Louis’s apartment, “I really am obsessed with your curls and pretty eyes.”

Harry smiled tiredly. Everything he did, he did it tiredly. Because he was tired. He had been on chemo now for three months, but he had been with Louis for about three months too. So, there was always something to be happy about. Harry didn’t want to talk about how he would lose his curls soon because it was a miracle he still had hair this far along, he didn’t want to talk about how he really liked Louis because that made his heart hurt a lot. He didn't want to talk because his throat was sore and he was afraid that if he opened it, he'd lose his breakfast. He didn't want to talk period.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH!!   
> Sorry I haven't updated in like FORFREAKINGEVER  
> I've had writers block on top of finals???? Hope that everyone will keep reading and like it still....!   
> much love


	12. Chapter 12

Louis would be lying if he said he wasn’t scared. He was really scared because he was attached to Harry now. He was attached to how Harry would make him lunch for work. He was attached to how Harry smelled like honey. He was attached to the way Harry said his name. He was attached. So, he was scared. He was scared to lose him, but he had devoted a huge chunk of his life to studying about cancer. So, he knew that this recovery was slim. But there was a silver lining and Harry really believed in silver linings.

“Don’t you have work?” Harry’s raspy voice interrupted his thoughts. Louis was hovering over Harry’s chemo chair. He had been watching a nurse administer the chemo drugs, but now the nurse was gone and Louis wondered how long he had been zoned out for.

“Yeah, I do. Will you be OK ‘till then?” He picked up Harry’s hand and kissed it which made Harry smile and nod. “OK. I’ll come back when you’re done. Tell me if you need anything.” 

Harry nodded and Louis could tell by the way his eyelids were drooping that Harry would be asleep soon. 

“OK, bye,” Louis whispered and walked out. He said the words I love you in his head because they just seemed fitting. Even though it had been four months, Louis decided that he loved Harry. He decided he loved Harry after three weeks of seeing him. He woke up alone and in his own room which was rare. He woke up ten minutes before his alarm which hadn’t happened in years. When he walked outside, Seattle looked brighter. Once in his car he reached into the glove compartment, out of habit for his cigarettes and found a note right next to them instead. It was Harry’s handwriting and all it said was:

I really enjoyed spending time with you these past few weeks. I hope that I am enough for you because you are enough for me. Drive safe to work and text me when you can. 

Louis read it over and over again. Then he didn’t really feel like he needed to smoke. He didn’t know if the note placement was strategic or not. Harry had never brought up his smoking habit, even though he was sure he knew. He knew Harry knew, but Harry was like that. When he was with Harry he felt like he was on vacation, even though he wasn’t. He felt like he was wealthy, even though he wasn’t. He felt like he was enough, even though he knew he wasn’t.

Louis worked a lot harder than he had in years mostly because that was the only way to get Dr. Pom off his back for skipping work so much to take Harry home. Everyone knew about him and Harry. Some people thought it was a bit weird mostly because Harry was sick and why would anyone want to date someone sick? But to Louis Harry wasn’t sick, he was just Harry. 

Liam loved it, he loved it a lot. He loved Harry a lot, too. He would check up on him during chemo while Louis was busy. He genuinely liked Harry and he liked that Louis was happy. Four months of a happy Louis, everyone at work really liked that.

Work is a blur to Louis really, the next four hours until Harry gets off chemo are a blur. Today is an especially busy day so he can’t really go and visit Harry. His alarm on his phone goes off. It’s been four hours and Louis promises Dr. Pom that he will be right back. She shrugs him off and he practically runs down to the chemo ward again. He stops running when he is actually inside the big room because it doesn’t seem appropriate to run in there. It is very quiet and depressing. He finds his way to Harry’s chair and stops when he hears Harry throwing up. You’d think Harry has thrown up in front of Louis before, well he hasn’t. Harry is really good at pretending and saying when he doesn’t want Louis to come over. Louis has seen him a bit sick, but the chemo is getting stronger as his body is getting weaker so it’s inevitable at this point. 

Louis walks over slowly and places a hand on Harry’s back. Harry thought that he’d be embarrassed, but he’s relieved that he’s here. It hurts to throw up, it makes his head spin and abdomen hurt. He finishes after thirty more seconds and Louis is already taking the yellow bile filled container out of his hands. Harry goes to say don’t but instead he makes a d sound and gags again. Louis quickly moves the container back and only moves it away once Harry is actually done. Harry leans back and hugs his stomach weakly. He watches as Louis looks at the throw-up. Louis can’t help it, it’s his job. His throw up is green and watery which must be some of the kale smoothie he had this morning. The nurse walks over shortly and takes the bin, “sorry,” she mutters and begins to release Harry from all the chemo drugs. 

“Thank you,” Harry says softly and for a minute, he doesn’t know if he can get up. Recently, he’s having very bad bone pain and joint pain. Moving is getting harder and he feels heavier even though he’s lost fifteen pounds. 

“Do you need a wheelchair?” The nurse has brown hair in a pixie style cut and big blue earrings on. Harry shakes his head but Louis nods.

“Yeah, a wheelchair sounds nice, thanks.” He watches her walk away and he feels Harry’s forehead. He’s a bit warm, he’ll have to give him ibuprofen once they get home. “How are you feeling?” Louis asks and Harry doesn’t answer. His eyes are shut and his chapped lips are a bit parted. Louis can see a chunk of hair missing right about his left ear. He rubs his shoulder, “I’ll get you home soon and you can sleep there, OK?” 

Harry nods, he feels to nauseous to fully open his mouth and too pained to get up. He thinks he should get up, though, he doesn’t know what they’re waiting for exactly. He dozes off for what seems like an hour, but Louis wakes him up two minutes later.

“H, the wheelchair is here.” He is sitting up more and sliding him closer to the edge of his seat. Harry thinks he’s doing more than he actually is to move his body. He stands up and a small moan escapes his mouth because there is a sharp pain shooting through his legs and hips. The cancer cells around crowding his bones causing them to ache. He sits down in the wheelchair and forces a smile at the nurse as she waves goodbye to him. He almost wants to cry and she says see you tomorrow. Louis is pushing him now and he is talking, but Harry’s body is pounding and that is the only thing he can hear. Then he is hearing rain. 

“Put your hood on, babe,” Louis says and watches as Harry slowly puts his black hood on. Louis takes off his own rain jacket and puts it across Harry’s lap. If he gets wet, he’ll get more sick. He then darts out the door trying to sprint to his car to avoid the rain which is a really bad idea because the velocity makes him throw up all over Louis’s rain jacket.

Harry moans in between vomiting, “I…I…”

Louis tries not to look too disappointed about his rain jacket, “It’s ok, just let it out. Don’t hold it in.”

Harry turns his head to the side and dry heaves onto the parking lot. He doesn’t have much to throw up. Harry’s clutching at his abdomen now because it really hurts. Louis tries not to be worried he takes the rain jacket off his lap and helps him into the car. He tries to shake the throw up off the jacket and then places it on Harry’s lap again, “just throw up there,” he instructs before getting into the car. Luckily, Harry doesn’t throw up anymore. He sits there miserably hugging his stomach trying to soothe the pain of it twisting and tightening. He feels embarrassed and ashamed, most of all.

“I’ll buy you a new jacket,” he says after his stomach settles down a little. 

“I’ll just wash it. I don’t need a new one.”

“I’ll wash it.”

“I really just want you to go home and rest. Please, you look, well, not so good.”

Harry is quiet for a while because he is dozing off, “Can I go to sleep?”

“Yes, of course. Don’t ask me that.” 

“I love you.” 

Louis thinks his heart stops for a second and he almost runs a red light. He slams on the breaks which, surprisingly, doesn’t wake Harry up. Louis figures Harry is really exhausted and drained from four hours of chemo after three consecutive days. He’s tired and delirious because no one as good as Harry could ever love him. 

“We’re here,” Louis whispers while pulling up to Harry’s apartment. This doesn’t wake Harry up though and Louis gets out, he’s soaked at this point and his car reeks of leftover vomit from his rain jacket. He opens Harry’s door and for a second he admires him although he is pale, thin, and miserable he is beautiful and unreal. Harry opens his eyes slowly at his subconscious telling him someone is staring at him. 

“Hey,” he says sleepily, feeling a bit better after the short car nap.

“Hi.” Louis wonders if Harry remembers saying I love you. “Let’s get you inside, yeah?”

Harry nods and slowly stands. His body is still sore and he is tired, very tired. He wants to lay down and sleep for days. He holds Louis’s hand as he guides him into his apartment. Louis acts like he lives there, which he practically does. He lets Harry lean on him in the elevator and he asks him if he hurts. Harry shakes his head even though it’s a lie. Harry thinks the elevator is taking too long and he feels like his legs will give out. When the doors slide open he almost runs out except he’s too tired. He walks inside his house without Louis and instantly collapses on his mattress wincing as he sinks onto the tile. Louis watches and curses at himself for not buying Harry a proper bed. “Love, can I get you anything before I go back to work?”

Harry shakes his head, “just gon’ sleep.”

“OK. Want me to make you some tea?”

He shakes his head, “stomach hurts. I’m just gonna sleep, really. I’ll sleep all day.” 

“Want to sleep at my place? Zayn can watch you over there.”

Harry feels his stomach turn and not because he’s nauseous but because he feels physically think because Louis actually wants him to be babysat. “I don’t want that, Lou.” 

The way it comes out makes Louis sad for a reason he can’t explain. “Well, OK. Will you call me or Niall if you need anything?” Louis steps closer to him and feels his forehead, he is getting warmer. 

Harry nods and shuts his eyes again. Louis’s hand feels cold against his skin and he tries not to pull away from it. Louis gives him ibuprofen, water, and makes him tea anyways. 

“I’ll see you soon, love,” Louis whispers and he does. He sees him sooner then he expects because a nurse is telling him that Harry is in the ER three hours later.


End file.
